Star of Hopes partner in Belarus tells of the hardships they face, in Europe during the Winter and with children with disabilities. (translated)
The Rychkovs lived in Kyrgyzstan for a long time, the Akberovs were Azerbaijanis, and if they had once met here - in the streets of Marina Gorka - then shortly: "Hello-hello." In November 2016, their roads crossed. Under the project "Nanny for an hour" Lyudmila Rychkova three times a week is in the house near the Akberovs, where she helps her mother and father - people with disabilities of the II group to raise their one-year-old Maxim. So today Lyudmila Vasilyevna got up early, whipped up a biscuit and on a crunchy snow bears a strawberry pie to a family that would hardly be allowed to raise a newborn son, if not for the help of a "nanny".
"I calm myself: the child normally grows, the weight is good"
"BelAPDIiMI" is a public association "Belarusian Association for Assistance to Disabled Children and Young People with Disabilities". Lyudmila Rychkova is the chairman of her primary area for assistance. "Nanny for an hour" - the idea of their organization.
The figure of the chairman of the black dot is lost on a wide white street. Slowly, she descends the road down. The Akberovs live below.
"The first month, when Maxim was only taken, ran every day, called," she says, without slowing down the pace. - I was afraid that the child would not be dropped, worried: whether they could feed and wash.
- And now?
"And now I'm afraid," the nurse smiles for an hour. - But I see, they are trying she says, I calm myself: the child grows, the weight is good. For a year I never got sick and all the same I experience dread.
Lyudmila Rychkova for just over 60. Her parents are Tamara and Oleg. She was 28, she Akberova, grew up in Maryina Gorka, near Minsk.
The family lives in the house of Tomy's parents. In a small wooden hut lined with brick. Their porch and porch resemble a warehouse. It seems that here for years, ware was accumulated, old furniture and things. Behind a thin red rug for a door hides the hallway."The house blows as best we can, keeping the heat warm," the chairman invites to the living room. The hosts are friendly, but they are wary. And only brown-eyed Maxim, without embarrassment, pulls the pens.
"He's curious," draws Lyudmila Vasilyevna, a toy.
"There are no bad habits, only a very difficult financial situation"
Pressing against each other, Tamara and Oleg say that they met on the Internet.
- Dad saw who I talk to on the computer, said: "Normal. Let him come. " And when Oleg arrived, they already communicated themselves, I did not even climb into their affairs. Oleg began to live with us, and then we got married, - Tamara recalls.
- Papa Tamara really wanted my daughter to have a family, - Lyudmila Vasilyevna helps the children to remember their history. - And Dad began to look for her the same person as she. Oleg had his own goal - to have a wife and a child, so he came here.
- Oleg, what is your diagnosis?
- cerebral palsy and cerebellar ataxia, - he walks well, but does not speak very clearly. - I studied at the usual 208th school in class "A". Lived with father and sister. Dad is disabled, sister drinks. He worked on monuments at the monastery. Then, you can say, I was cut.
- Drank it?
- I used to drink, now I do not, - it is noticeable that he does not like the question. - Is it possible to drink with a child ?!
"They do not welcome alcohol here," she said. - For the New Year brought them champagne, they took a sip of it - that's all. There are no harmful habits in this family, only a very difficult financial situation.
- Tamara, where did you study?
"At home, this is what my father wanted." At school, I was shy, if you need to go out, could not ask.
- What do you have with your health?
- Everything is fine.
Lyudmila Vasilyevna catches my eye:
- I do not know the decoding, but this is a mental illness. In truth, Tamara is clever. She reads, and understands by the hour, and uses the Internet. I am an engineer with higher education, and this is what he and Oleg taught me to work on a computer.
In addition to "babysitting for an hour," the young family hardly communicates with anyone. Live closed. Next to them, only Tamara's mother - Raisa Leonidovna. She is also a disabled group II.
- Modern youth do not want to accept disabled people, - Oleg gets up from the bed, takes Max in his arms.
- It's not true, Oleg, - Lyudmila Vasilyevna does not agree. - When I came to this family, Tamara, consider, did not go to the contact, was silent. From our organization we began to invite them with Oleg to the events. And the effect went. Among the same people they feel on an equal footing - they get acquainted and communicate. Look, I have a photo from the holiday. You see how Tamara smiles.
"In the summer we put a window, the roof and the wall were insulated"
Tamara and Oleg were married in June 2015. A few months later Tomin's father died, and in October of 2016 Maxim was born to them. Surname of the baby Akberov. So my grandfather wanted.
- It was the end of November, the chairman of the "primary unit" of the Moscow district of Minsk called, "Lyudmila Vasilievna recalls how it all began. - Says, a member of our organization Oleg Kohanin moved to you and got married. It seems like they had a baby, but there are problems. Find out what happened. And when I came here ...
She smiles, looks around.
"Remember how I came here?" - "Nanny for an hour" looks at Oleg and grandmother. "Here, where we are sitting, was the pope's room." When he died, it was closed, everything was considered inviolable. About 20 years in the house they did not glue, floors did not wash, things were scattered. Are not you insulted that I'm telling this? - She turns to the family.
"No," they nod. Lyudmila Vasilievna continues:
- Oleg is sitting, his beard is propping his hand, and the grandmother is the same. I ask: "What are you sitting on? Answer: "They do not give the child back." "What do they say?" - "That there are no conditions." "So let's create conditions."
"Why did not you prepare anything for the baby?" - I appeal to my parents.
- I bought a cot on "Kufar", - it is noticeable, the tension of Tamara passes. - My sister gave me clothes, she has children. The carriage is a neighbor. Of the money that was paid after the birth, they took a refrigerator, a washing machine, and gas - everything needed for the child.
- They were prepared, as they understood, - explains Lyudmila Vasilievna. - They just did not explain what and how. They themselves did not know the other conditions. Therefore, it is necessary to start working with such families before childbirth.
Now the young family occupies two rooms. Between the cabinets, beds and tables are small aisles.
- In the summer they put up a window, - Tamara leads to a distant room and shows a brand new double-glazed window. - We bought the foam plastic. My mother and Oleg glued him to the wall, so as not to blow, the roof was insulated.
"And then ... Then we took it all out, shook it out," says the nurse for an hour. - From this room, I remember, I say: "All gat." Dad died, a year has passed, now a child will live here. Raya, Tamara's mother, was indignant at first, did not want to clean up. Then she resigned herself.
- Do they often argue with you?
- It happens, but I do not pay attention, - the chairman answers. "My daughter ... She too has mental limitations." She also sometimes says to me: "You're boring me."
- Tamara, but now why do not you clean the house?
- We clean, sweep, mine - Toma lowers his eyes. "But my mother does not always allow me to rearrange something or throw it away."
Lyudmila Vasilievna helps out:
- I will say from experience with my daughter, it's good for such people when everything is in sight. Disorder is for them an order, and it is comfortable for them.
"We took the balls, bought sweets - and Raya and Oleg drove them to the car in a car"
While Oleg and his mother-in-law brought the house in order, Lyudmila Vasilievna went to the offices. Specialists did not hide: it's dangerous to give a baby to such a family. First, unsanitary conditions. Secondly, Raisa Leonidovna adds: "Parents are sick."
- In BelAPDIiMI, a major project was being created - "Improving access to social services for people with disabilities", which was supported by the US Agency for International Development - USAID, "the chairman said. - I told that in our region there are two families of disabled people with young children, and they need help.
- Yes, there was a similar story in the village 30 kilometers away from Marina Gorka, Lyudmila Vasilievna explains. - There the Pope has cerebral palsy, and her mother often has epileptic seizures. They, fortunately, have a better situation - a good collective farm house and a reliable grandmother. I began to say that it would be great to do an official service. This is for the officials an argument, and for the help of at least a small, and earnings - 100 rubles, too, money.
So the project "Nanny for an hour" appeared, and Tamara and Oleg were given a chance. And in December of 2016 Maxim was taken home.
- They took the balls, bought sweets, me and Raya and Oleg went by car to pick them up, - recalls "nanny for an hour."
- Doctors are not very happy that Maxima is given, - Tamara is sure.
"They were afraid that later the child would have to be taken away." Lyudmila Vasilyevna is not losing optimism. Although immediately she was very worried. "I bathed him for about three months, because they themselves were afraid." But we did this: I hold, and Oleg and Tom handle, legs wash. My task was to teach them, not to do it for them.
"Toma, do you remember the first month of the house?"
"I did not even know how to change it," she takes in her son's arms. - I was taught to feed him in the hospital. Showed how to prepare the mixture, and I cooked at home.
- I watched as Lyuda shows, and also fed, changed clothes, changed pampers. I always got up at night, "the young father recalled.
When Tamara gave birth, Oleg was always there. Now he really wants to work, but his wife does not allow: she is afraid that she can not cope.
"The child has got used to it," the young mother justifies herself. "Even when he goes out into the yard, Max runs after him and yells:" Tata, tata. "
"But we agreed," it's Lyudmila Vasilyevna again. " "As soon as Maxim goes to the garden, Oleg and I are going to the stock exchange.
They support Tamara and Oleg and in the territorial center of social services for the population of the Pukhovichi district. Social services arranged the stove and electrical wiring, helped with food, clothes, toys.
- Since December 12, 2016, the family began to receive the service of emergency social patronage, - they say in the territorial center. - Every week, young specialists were visited by specialists of the day-care center for disabled people. They taught mother and father to take care of the child, provided social assistance.
In the territorial center note: Tamara and Oleg are very attached to Maxim. Understand the responsibility that is borne by the baby, they want and try to look after it. Their ability to manage their households and take care of their children has improved significantly.
Since March 2017, young parents have received the service of social patronage: the specialist visits them once a month.
"We are slowly changing"
Time by noon: it's time to feed Maxim. Dad takes a plate, the little boy climbs into his arms and, without haste, chews.
"Is he always so calm?"
- It depends on who feeds. They do not - Oleg smiles and nods toward his mother-in-law and wife. - I have - yes.
"He's very quiet," Tamara describes his son's character. - Sometimes, he sleeps during the day, wakes up and does not squeak, only the bed will sway: "I do not sleep."
Mom and Dad now can hardly imagine life without a baby. And if they are lazy to do something, "a nanny for an hour" knows how to motivate them: "Do you want Maxim to be taken?". And all - they rise and move.
- Have they changed this year? - I turn in the direction of Lyudmila Vasilyevna.
- Before the New Year, Tom and Oleg ask: "Will you put a Christmas tree?". They look at me: why? The parents of life did not teach them to rejoice. Okay, I think we'll fix it. We decorated everything here, Tamara made salads. And when I came with their granddaughter to congratulate them, they gave her a gift. Why, I say, you do not have any money. And they are happy: "The holiday is the same." In general, we are slowly changing.
We leave with the nurse in the yard. And I have to her the main question: "Why do you need all this?".
- Because I myself faced a similar situation.When my daughter gave birth to Vera, we did not immediately manage to take our granddaughter home. It is not customary for us to talk about it out loud, but for parents with disabilities, the questions always drag along: "Will they cope? And whether to give them a newborn? ".
- But what can parents give to a child-like Tom and Oleg?
- I look at our Faith: she is already learning to read and will soon go to first grade. Of course, she is unlikely to be an excellent pupil. But, for example, we cook from it exactly grow. And my husband and I are now sure: when we are no more, our daughter will have a family. In general, no one and nowhere will be better than the mother and father.
Population: 10,293,011 Government: Republic Area: 80,154 square miles Capital: Minsk Per Capital Income:$7,711 USD Currency: Belarusian Ruble Language(s): Russian, Belarusian Primary Exports: Heavy Industry (Machinery and equipment), chemical fertilizers, metals and food. Religion: Orthodox, Catholic